Yay! Actually, Bitchy quoted me to point out what was wrong with FemDom, but I guess you can’t win them all. For the record I am very fond of Bitchy, even when she is calling one of my kinks the reason that everything is broken.

The topic of the day seems to be humiliation and why on earth it’s fun for the woman to laugh her ass off at a submissive guy doing horrible things to himself.

I have enough of a background in computers to use the word overloaded when it comes to things people call themselves. With computers, you can accidentally have one importaint thing point to five or six different things, which means you tell the computer “Get me VarX” which you think is 12 and it turns out is the sentance ‘Vienna sausage is obfuscating the bridge’. This breaks things. You cannot subtract 8 from Vienna Sausage. Sure, one’s probably an int and the other is a string, but more importantly, Vienna Sausages are tiny (even if you have an itty bitty and potentially tasty army of them to cover a bridge).

With language, the same things can happen with similarly disastrous results. You can have one word that has lots of different meanings. This tends to break things, or make them unclear. Take the word love… a simple enough word, but there are enough meanings there to make any conversation about love awkward under the best of circumstances. Anyone who’s ever had to say the phrase “Yes, I love you, but not like that” knows what I’m talking about. You can love your country, your mother, your boyfriend, your child, or your bagel. Unless you’re Cronus, the love you have for a bagel is probably very different from that you have for your child.

(I know I’m probably loosing all kinds of Hot Babe points here making computer science jokes and then talking about Greek Mythology in a sex blog, but hear me out!)

Our culture is messed up enough about sex that not ONLY do we overload non-sexual words (come (can also mean opposite of go), hot (temperature, spicyness of food), banging (hitting something with a hammer), screwing (an action to stick to pieces of wood together with screws)) but we tend to overload the words that we use for sex IN SEX.

Let’s take that to the concept of “Domination.” One of the definitions is rule, control, or sway that is arbitrary in nature. Personally, I LOVE the arbitrary nature of it. You’re going to do what I said, because I told you.

Now, some people who say they like Female Domination like it when a woman hits them. They’re really masochistic, which is a great word because it’s actually one of the few sex-specific terms we get that isn’t clinical or Saxon.

Some people who say they are into Fem Dom are into what they consider humiliation (humiliation freaks). Some of them want to be used (exploitation freaks). Some of them just like a stern looking woman wearing rubber (fetishists). Some of them want to be ordered around (submissives). Some of them want someone else to be in charge (also submissive, but a different type). Some of them just desperately want to make a woman happy (service oriented submissives). Some of them like to be dressed up in women’s clothes (cross dressers and trannies). Some of them want to be forced to smell cheese while jerking off on plastic tarps (This is a caller I call “CheeseDick” if you can figure out why, more power to you!). Whatever.

The point is, the term Domination is overloaded. We don’t have precise universal vocabulary when talking about sex, so there’s a little back and fourth that has to happen to figure out where everyone is and what they’re doing.

So, when someone like Bitchy identifies as a dominant, it means one thing to her, and that one thing very powerfully, and anything else is seen as a detraction from the truth of what that word means- and it is, to her. I call myself a dominant and it seems to include a little bit more than Bitchy’s self-definition of what a dominant means. Let’s compare the two in lists:

Bitchy and Lotus:
*Sadistic
*Does Bondage
*Likes fucking
*Likes rape
*Likes men crying
*Likes Obulettes

Lotus Only:
*Likes strap-ons
*Likes humiliation
*Likes forced bi
*Likes corsets.
*Likes laughing at men.

So, when you pull what Bitchy considers dominant, and compare it to some of the things I consider dominant, you’re trying to subtract 8 from a Vienna sausage. That hardly makes me less dominant, or her less dominant- it just means that we’re using the same word to talk about some very different things. Bitchy does not consider humiliation play to be sexy or dominant behavior, while for me, laughter and humiliation are very closely linked to the sex part of my brain.

I love making men cry from shame and humiliation as well as pain. I react to highly charged sexual situations differently than Bitchy because, well, we’re different people with different kinks, and there’s hardly anything wrong with that.

I LIKE humiliating men and laughing at them. It gets me off. It makes me happy. Perhaps I could come up with some thing about how this is bad because society frowns on submissive men, but I’m so far outside of that game I don’t even notice what people tend to think about kink who are vanilla. All I know is that I like it, and being a self-indulgent kind of person, if it gets me hot I do it.

There is certainly no malice or attempt to take kink away from the real dominant women out there. I’m just doing that which I enjoy.

I would LOVE comments on this. What do you think?